Year: 2017

Orange flavoured vodka…

, 5

The last time I was this tipsy was at my sister’s wedding… about this same time last year. I was the chief bridesmaid and I didn’t have a major function, but I had lots of small small functions like carrying the heavy tail of the wedding gown, and fanning my sister with one of those fancy folding fans. I remember dancing into the hall with the bridal party and later crying during the couple’s first dance. Other than that, I didn’t get to actually sit and participate in much else until the wedding reception was almost over. As the reception…

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Taxify’s marriage certificate…

, 4

Early one morning, a long time ago in my former office, two senior female colleagues stood by the entrance of the main building. They were huddled together, and they spoke in hushed tones. I saw them but I thought nothing of it because experience had taught me that they could either be deciding the future of someone’s entire career, or they could be expressing grave concerns over what Antonio did to Miguel in last night’s Telemundo episode. The MD arrived while they were still outside. He was such a hard ass. He didn’t like to see people breathe because breathing…

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Testimony Time. Blessing Time.

6

Last year, when I was literally drowning in debt, I told a few friends that I wanted to leave. I didn’t use the term “drowning”, but I explained that I could no longer afford to stay in my flat. I knew that even if I could hustle the rent for another year, I would be picking left-over pizza from Domino’s Pizza garbage for the rest of the year. Looking back now, I realize that I wasn’t really serious about leaving. If not I wouldn’t have told the people I knew would convince me to stay. “Opportunities are HERE in Lagos!…

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080********

8

Early this evening, I sent the security guy on an errand. I was standing by the gate, waiting for him and watching traffic go by when I heard someone yell my name from across the road. I looked in the direction I heard my name and by the time I realised who it was, it was too late to disappear into the bushes. We don’t even have bushes. I was careful not to smile. I waved a small, barely civil wave. A sensible person would’ve deciphered the wave to mean “Don’t let devul use you this afternoon. Just be going…

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How much is paracetamol?

, 10

Every time I brag about how I’m such a great cook, I burn something as simple as noodles or forget boiling eggs on fire till the eggs and pot turn black. As if the universe is telling me to not brag. Lately, I’ve been bragging about how I walk in divine health and I don’t fall sick, then yesterday I landed in the hospital with Malaria. It’s funny because I used to secretly judge malaria patients… like how did you allow mosquitoes chew you to the extent you got malaria? Are you a missionary worker sleeping in the jungle? Can’t…

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