Year: 2018

Ngo baby (Motivational Speaker)

14

I started a new job about two months ago. And if I could use just one word to describe it, it would be ‘Challengingasfuck’. You know that ‘new employee grace period’ that people usually get when they just start working in a new office?… That grace period when you can mix up files or fumble with printers or even mistakenly go home at closing time, and you will be pardoned because you’re new. In my office, I never had that. From day one, I was getting in trouble like I stole money. I accepted there was no such thing as…

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Perceptions…

6

A few weeks ago, I went to the salon with a friend of mine. While we were there, a member of my church walked in to get her hair done. I’ve worked closely with her before on a church project. I was genuinely happy to see her so I said hi, gave her a big hug and introduced her to my friend. Then, she turned to my friend and asked, “So, is Ngozi always this quiet?” My friend choked on her bottle of water. “Quiet ke?? KWAYET?? This same Ngozi that I know? We can’t get her to shut up!”…

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Birthdays and Gratitude…

12

It was my birthday on the 1st of July and I woke up feeling like an ungrateful wench. I think I muttered a brief prayer of thanksgiving, but that was all. I wasn’t angry (I think), but I know I wasn’t exactly overjoyed. I just wanted to stay in bed, watch Tv and have the day go by quickly. I didn’t even go to church, even though I told my mother that I did. By 7:00am, I got a call from the Workers Care department of my church. Turns out that all leaders in church get a cake on their…

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My Royal Wedding experience…

19

A few years ago, an old friend called me up. He’s best friends with a guy I once dated. He wanted to know if I was seeing anyone because he had a friend who was having a hard time finding the right kinda girl. No deformity, no weird fetishes, his friend was just a really nice guy with bad luck, so he thought of me. Of course, I was very flattered. I asked, “Is he serious? Abeg I don’t have power for games.” “Yes, he’s dead serious. He doesn’t want games either.” So he sent the guy my number, and BOOM!…

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What not to do when there’s a fire.

4

On Wednesday, I went to church without eyebrows. I was almost running late and didn’t have the time to draw them on before leaving the house. I figured I would do it in the bathroom in church, but then I got to church and just couldn’t be bothered. I’ve started to care less and less. You’re probably wondering why this is a big deal, right? It’s a big deal because I have serious image issues. Although I don’t know how to wear layers and layers of make-up, I cannot, CANNOT, be caught dead outside without at least eyebrows and lipgloss,…

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