Author: Ngozi

Good morning people… I guess I can’t complain because February didn’t blow as hard as January. And I almost got hit by a car this morning while I was jogging!! It was like a dream. My life (all 21 years of it) flashed before my eyes and I thought I was going to meet my maker… The driver (notice I didn’t call him ‘wanker’) was on his phone when he almost hit me. I forgave him though cos he actually pulled over to apologize. And he smelled really REALLY nice :-). Anyway, I think it was probably God giving me…

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Mornin’ people… I mentioned that I attended an old friend’s wedding sometime in January right?…  I am really not big on weddings. It was all the way in Lagos and if I wasn’t able to make it, he would’ve understood (I think). I wasn’t the best man or the ring bearer. In fact, I played no significant role before, during and after the wedding. All I did was stare at some delicious eye-candy in his committee of friends, catch up with old friends, eat like a pig and party like a rock starr!! So, if I’m not so big on…

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Ok, so this is part two of my weekend story… 🙂 While Chucks was talking, I imagined myself at a dinner party with my carpenter and his girlfriend, and some of their other friends and I almost threw up in my mouth. What the hell were we gonna talk about? As insulted as I was, I didn’t have the heart to ask him if he’s been swallowing some engine oil. I should have said a firm No!, but I couldn’t. Instead, I promised I would call the next day to let him know if I would be able to make…

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Good morning people… I started this post on Friday evening, thinking I was gonna finish it and post it Saturday. Then I spoke to a friend of mine and something came up so I decided to put the post on hold till Sunday evening when I would have the complete story of how my weekend went. It’s a ridiculously long post so, like a Nollywood movie, I decided to break it into two parts; Part I and II… On Friday morning, my pet pig said to me; “WTF? Oink oink oink oink oink! Oink oink… Oink oink oink, you filthy…

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Meanwhile, in lighter news, I’m happy cos it’s my big sister’s birthday!!! As far as I’m concerned, she practically raised us (me and my brothers)… even though growing up with her wasn’t always easy because my parents used to act like the sun shone out of her ass. She was their first child and she could do no wrong in their eyes. She was polite, intelligent, obedient and very neat. In fact, if my dad was a carpenter and my mum a virgin, people woulda started to suspect that she was the black baby Jesus. It was so bad that…

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