DMX’s death hit me hard. I wept like he was my cousin.
For me, his music represented a happier, simpler time in my life. As a child, and even up until my teenage years, we (my siblings and I) were not allowed to go out as much as we would’ve liked. In that sense, my dad was strict. However, because he was a music buff himself, he bought us loads of music albums. And that’s how I started listening to Gangsta rap at a very young age. I was only 10 years old, but I knew what Kurupt would do if you gave him 10 bitches 😉
I heard DMX years later in Secondary school and what drew me to him was the colourful ways his rage came through in his music, maybe because I had a lot of pent up anger myself. I also loved that he had a playful, funny side. And that signature growl of his… when you heard the growl or the bark in any song, you knew DMX was up. For the longest time, I lived on his music.
Every time a death hits close to home, I react the same way; First of all, I’m hit with a painful realisation that “life is too short”, then I panic and I start to do too much at once. I start thinking, ‘I haven’t done anything I really wanted to do with my life!’ In recent times, it’s been work work and more work! ‘If I died today, the work won’t stop. Who will talk about how much I touched them their lives??’
So I will go out once or twice, or buy a nice gift for myself or some other thing that will make me feel like I am intentionally living life. And then days later, I will fall back into the same old work-home-church routine.
After my father’s funeral, I went out and bought a whole new set of pencils, paintbrushes and new oil paints. I even bought a canvas and an apron. I did like two rough sketches on my sketchpad and practised how to mix different shades of green paint and that was it. I haven’t done anything else since then. Some days ago, I noticed that mould had grown on the pencils. Meanwhile, the canvas is still under my bed.
Years and years ago, I used to practice Karate. I thoroughly enjoyed it then and I can’t remember now why I stopped taking lessons, but it is one of those things I’ve always wanted to go back to. So, two weeks ago, I finally registered because life is short right? Then bright and early Saturday morning, I was in Karate class. Surprisingly, I remembered a lot more than I thought so my Sensei took me out of the beginner’s class and threw me in the regular class. He said my form was good.
He kept exclaiming, “Excellent!” “Faaaantastic!” “That’s it!” and silly me, I let all the hype get to my head. I got carried away. I forgot I wasn’t 20 years old anymore and I was throwing kicks like Chun Li. The only thing I didn’t do was a fireball. After the class, I was a little sore but I was so pumped! Fast forward to Sunday afternoon when I thought I was going to die from the pain. Every inch of my body hurt and I couldn’t stand or walk straight.
I called a spa, booked a therapeutic/sports massage, and went there with a small jar of Aboniki in the pocket of my sweatpants. My masseuse could see how much pain I was in but she warned me about using Aboniki. In her words, “Aunty, you will hate yourself if you use this on your skin”.
Pain meds were not working and I had work the next day so I said, “Please use it like that.”
Long story short, I really should have listened to her. As I lay down there in flames, all I could think about was how for decades, angry mobs have wasted tyres and fuel on thieves and robbers when they could have just rubbed Aboniki on their bare skin and left them under the sun. Right then and there, I re-dedicated my life to Christ because I now know that hell fire is real.
It took one full week for me to be able to walk straight-ish again. My calves and my ribs were still sore, but I went back again bright and early on Saturday last week. I am told that it will get easier over time.
Other than that, I’m ok. A lot has changed but I can’t fit one whole year in a single blog post. Work takes up so much of my time so I barely have time to do much else. I come home and I just want to eat and snack and sleep. Also, I have decided to not talk about work at all, or as much as possible.
I’ve been sleeping on my couch because I bought an orthopaedic mattress a few months ago. If I’m listing my biggest regrets in life, that mattress will be in the top three. A lot of people advised me to get the semi-orthopaedic but I stubbornly refused and I got the full orthopaedic one. Now I’m stuck with this huge concrete slab that is covered with a nice cotton bedsheet. I’m thinking maybe I should just accept defeat and donate the mattress to NURTW to use as a speed breaker for heavy duty trucks. Then I can buy another mattress.
Anyway, life is short.
So I want to get a nice little tattoo. I’m thinking of getting something sexy, yet meaningful, like a symbol. It’ll be hidden of course, somewhere no one can see… except my gynaecologist.
I also want a belly button piercing… just a tiny stud. I’m not trying to set off metal detectors.
I want to not be so shy or self conscious all the damn time.
I want to move to an island with white sand beaches and turquoise water because who says we can’t live in a holiday destination?
I want to draw and paint more. I want to cook and bake and try out new recipes.
I want to learn to play the guitar. I found a tutor but he said I’ll have to cut my nails. I’m not sure I’m ready to give up any form of swag 😒
I want to write more because I’m happiest when I’m writing. I have a song in my head that I wrote a long time ago. I have stories to tell that are also hiding in my head.
Anyway… RIP DMX. And thank you. They say we should give people their flowers while they can still smell them. Realistically, we can’t give flowers everyday, but I hope you rest well in the knowledge that you touched lives and that we loved you.
When I heard the news of his death, I became cold. I asked myself questions similar to yours. Is this how it ends? What’s the purpose of existence? Just like you, it’s in those moments that I think mostly about the brevity of life but that pause is transient and I’m back in the race.
Anyway, i enjoyed what you wrote. You should write more.
Transient is the word! However, I will try my best to make sure this “pause” lasts longer than a few days…
Thank you Hermione ☺️☺️
Awesome As Usual… Lol @ the bed.
My brother, that mattress is a hired killer…
Thank you Sage!
My regards to wifey 😉
Obviously………
It really felt good to ‘read’ from you.
As usual,it ticked all the boxes. Please keep the write ups weekly😄
So sorry to hear about your dad…. I know it’s been a while.
I hope you are good boo….😘😘
OBVIOUSLY!!!!
Thank you darling… 😘😘😘😘
I’m so happy to hear from you 😌😌
Lovely to read from you Ngozi!! Welcome back…and I hope you give us more to read and dissapear anymore.
Didn’t know you lost your dad…accept my condolences. Lost mine too 2 yrs ago…I agree with you that life is too short and we should live it to the fullest while we still can.
Doc! Thank you so much Ada…
I’m so sorry about your dad. I had no idea. Does it still do you like film trick sometimes? 😢
Real film Trick…Apart from missing him, I also have to deal with the void his death created and how his death has changed the family’s dynamics…:for me, the pain hasn’t gone away🥲but it is well!!
Welcome back once again and hope you stay this time🙂
I hope so too! 😭
Nice piece 👌
I am holding on to this the most ‘In recent times, it’s been work work and more work! ‘If I died today, the work won’t stop. Who will talk about how much I touched them their lives??’ and will make necessary adjustments.
Lol… thank you dear.
Will you really make the necessary adjustments though? And how long will it last???
Let us try sha.
I missed you….I hope this is welcome back…xoxoxo
Daisy! I hope so too… 😘😘😘
Thank you love.
That mattress 🤣🤣🤣🤣. Lovely post again dearie. I don’t know if it’s the age but I feel same as you.
Schola, that mattress is a hired killer… your sister is in pain!
People are telling me now that it will soften over time.
We’ll see.
Ngozi you write so well, your shit is always engaging and hilarious and emotional all at thesame time. Wetin you dey find for Sokoto dey your shokoto. Pls write more.
P.S: I still remember some of your drawings from back in the day as kids, and you were awesome then, so wash the molds off those brushes and get to work. Choi! You dnt even realise how much talent ur overflowing with! Sorry to hear about your dad, may his soul rest in peace. We are everly rooting for you, even tho it’s from far far away.
“Wetin you dey find for Sokoto dey your shokoto”… 😭😭😭 I know right??? But these bills won’t pay themselves.
Amen has been telling me for years and years.
Thank you so much Omon 🤗🤗
You finally wrote something!
Like a lady who puts up initial resistance when being toasted, but gets easier over time lol … the bed gets easier and softer with time Ngo lol … I don’t even notice mine anymore 🤷♀️
Ahn… Osaghae how long will this lady front for me? My spine has curved!
I finally wrote something. Finally 😔
Thanks dear.
Oh NG… you have to write some more! Surely life is too short to let such great talent hide behind the corporate world and most importantly if life is truly too short at least make me smile and laugh at your humour….
Kudos!! You go girl… The world is crying to hear from you.
Eki!!! These bills won’t pay themselves o 😭😭😭
I still kinda need the corporate world.
Thank you darling! 😘🤗
Oh dear😅, the right up was brilliant but these replies are just…
Ngozi dear, it softens in the very very long term but you actually have to lay on it for that to happen. 🤣
Lmao @mattress there are some mattress toppers/pad they sell in stores, maybe you can buy one and lay it on it. Even the ground is softer than those mattress.
I randomly remembered you and I’m happy to see that you have written a post recently. Good to see you’re doing good and happy. Keep doing the things you like. One day it will stick.
I had just shared a video of DMX where he was saying something about trusting people for who they are, trust a snake to bite you, trust a thief to steal from you that way you don’t get disappointed…. He passed on like a week after, it was very sad. My brothers listened to him so kinda grew up on his music too.
Anyhoo…. Keep writing! ☺
Missed your writing, your blog was a place I would come to read and laugh and live through the eyes of someone else.
Life is truly short, sometimes I wonder what all the struggles are for? There are no answers………. please write more….. there arent many authentic ones left.