Have you guys seen the new smart freezer?

Hello people!! 🙁

On Monday, at the close of work, I was trying to lock my cubicle door. I had a lot of stuff in my hands and somehow, my phone slipped, fell to the floor and shattered. Before then, I had been telling my colleague about how great 2015 is going to be, and all the wonderful things God has in store for me. And it wasn’t just him… I’ve been telling everyone who cares to listen that 2015 is going to be fantastic. I realize now that I’ve probably been sounding like a crazed woman, who is trying to convince herself more than anyone else that all these fantastic things are really going to happen this year.

I picked up the pieces of my phone, and left the shards of glass outside my door to test our cleaner who claims that he sweeps the floors every day. I showed some of my team members the phone and everyone “chei yah-ed” and “kpele-ed” because just last month, I had coughed out almost 12k to repair it. Satisfied with their response, I threw the parts of the phone in my bag and left. I didn’t cry until I got home. And the cry pass broken phone cry… I think I cried for everything under the sun and that’s how I eventually slept off.

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Before I continue, let me state two facts here;

– One of the good things about my habit of trolling the internet, attending church and reading books is that I can boast of knowing a lot of the basics. I’m talking about general gist on finding happiness, self-love, the path to self-discovery, locating men’s secret pleasure zones that were previously unknown to women, yaddah yaddah yaddah… I may not practice them, but I get the general gist.

– I also believe in money/wealth. I’ve lived a miserable life swimming in wealth, and a miserable life as a broke ass and I can tell you that the only thing worse than being unhappy is being unhappy and broke.

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Anyway, you guys know I’m quite open about my struggles and because of that, I tend to fall into the trap of having to justify them. When you open up to people, it puts them in a position to analyze and/or judge you. It’s easy for them to recite what they read in every psychology journal or online article. Before you know it, you are mentally preparing a PowerPoint presentation stating all the reasons why you have a right to be upset/unhappy. For some strange reason, this is more common with guy friends…

For instance, last year, I wanted to get a deep freezer. When I first moved to Lagos, I moved into an empty house. There were three beds, three standing fans, one plastic bucket and a small ancient fridge. Yeah it’s my dad’s house, but because no one stayed there, it was “un-livable”. My move to Lagos was without my parent’s blessing so I was more or less on my own.

I started work, but because I was stationed outside the office, I didn’t get free lunch and I had to feed myself. The power situation was disgusting and the fridge was the perfect environment for food to rot so I was cooking tiny portions of food almost every day. The other alternative was to eat out and I don’t do that well. I desperately needed a freezer, but I knew I couldn’t afford a brand new freezer… the average cost of the freezers I saw online was 5k more than my monthly salary.

I mentioned it at work one day and a kind senior colleague suggested that we get the freezer using her company’s arrangement with the shop. She would collect it in her name and I would pay in installments. Due to the flexible payment structure, I went gaga and picked a high-tech, ultra-modern smart freezer with Bluetooth, wireless internet and an app that allows the fridge mix its own cocktails.

I’m kidding. I picked a really nice one… let’s call it my dream freezer.

We did all the paper work and left. The next day, I was supposed to pick it up, but when I got to the shop, they had sold that dream freezer!!! The only other one was the freezer on display, but it had a dent and I refused to take it. I was sooooo pissed. The shop said it was a mistake, and the manager kept apologizing for it. Even worse, the dream freezer wasn’t going to be available for another couple of weeks and if I was going to pick another one, it would’ve involved doing all that paper work again, getting more signatures, and kissing more asses.

Another thing was the money… it would’ve taken just one NEPA bill, or generator maintenance, or spark plug change for me to dip into the down payment for the freezer and I would no longer have the money. Overwhelmed with all these thoughts, I was genuinely heartbroken and I cried all the way home. A friend was with me that day and he just couldn’t get it. He thought I had gone nuts… completely crazy. I remember I had tried to explain why I was so hurt about the freezer and all the reasons why my life would be better if I had one.

Later, when I had calmed down, he told me about the importance of not depending on material things to make me happy, then he went home (to his parent’s house where he lives) and had some ice-cream that he stored in their deep freezer. The following week, he forwarded an online article about the dangers of placing one’s happiness in things that can be lost. He sent that mail from South Africa, where he went for a two weeks holiday because “he was stressed”.

It was towards the end of last year that I had a Eureka moment. I sat back and asked myself, “Ngor baby, why are you explaining why you need a Tv to a flat screen owner?”

Why are you explaining the reasons you need a new gen to someone who stays in an area with good power and an inverter?

Why are you explaining the reasons you need a dildo to someone’s live-in girlfriend?

And this is how it works; in the process of explaining your struggles, because you are trying to convince them, you have to make it sound very grim. You confess it over and over again till it becomes a part of you. Before you know it, it becomes like ammo that you carry around, easily accessible so that you can whip it out fast even before someone has finished asking you, “What’s wrong?”

So, this year, I’m embracing my struggles. My only prayer is that I don’t let them overwhelm me… but I will no longer be explaining them. I will embrace them. These struggles have given me something to look forward to because Lord knows I don’t want to be happy or content with the way I am.

Maybe when I’m filthy rich I can talk to the youth of the society and tell them about having life values and how money can’t buy happiness. In the meantime, I’m storing ice-cream in my freezer.

Happy New Year good people…