My day off…

Hello people! :'(

I’m ill… I had a funky piece of turkey from the office yesterday. It looked funny, but the chef claimed that it was grilled  turkey so I ordered it. I should’ve suspected something was wrong when I could hear it clucking and flapping it’s wings, but I was hungry, so I ate it for dinner when I got home. Then I had my bath and went to bed pretty early…

I woke up in the middle of the night (around the time my pastor says that witches start their meetings)… almost 1:00am and I felt terrible. My intestines were dancing skelewu in slow motion. I didn’t have to think too hard about what the problem was… I knew it was that demonic turkey fighting to be let out. What I wasn’t sure of was which end it wanted to be let out of.

I had some water and walked around the house a bit so that he (yes, I decided it was a male piece of turkey) could move around and make up his mind. Finally, I threw up. And I’ve been projectile vomiting all over the place since then. Needless to say, I didn’t get much sleep. By this morning, I was sure there was nothing left inside of me… I literally puked out my guts and some brain matter. Still feeling like crap, I got ready for work and called my colleague, a lady I go to work with. I told her what happened and she asked, “Who are you trying to impress by going to work? Do you want to be puking every 30minutes?”

I thought about all the pregnancy rumors that would start going round the office if I was running to the bathroom to throw up every 30minutes… or what if he, the turkey, turns around and decides to start coming out the other end? All my silent farting, a skill that I am quite proud of, will no longer be so silent… it might even yield unwanted results. So I stayed back.

I’m grossing you guys out right? Sorry… I just never imagined that my first day off would be like this. First of all, I never imagined that when I take a day off claiming to be ill that I would actually be ill. I should be on my way to the cinemas to watch 4/5 movies at a stretch or running personal errands or even going to visit friends, not lying in bed trying to hold in my farts.

Another reason it’s annoying me is that I’m a record keeper. Most of my records are personal records and almost all of them don’t make sense, but I still keep them. Yesterday morning, I was bragging to two of my colleagues that I am the only one in the company who has never taken a day off for any reason. I also added that I’m the only one who has never been sick and had to go to the hospital. It’s pointless records like that that I like to keep… like there’s ever going to be a cash prize for being the only person in my office bold enough to turn off the AC that day the adapter caught fire. Big deal. If I had been roasted alive by the socket that day, life would go on…

Anyway, I’ve broken my own record and I’m home for the day. I’m feeling much better actually… but I honestly don’t know what to do with myself. I might go get some groceries later and make a nice large salad. I’ve had coffee this morning and I don’t have appetite for anything else, but a salad should be safe enough abi? Then, if I’m good enough, I’ll probably go for a run in the evening… *sigh*

I don’t know… Enjoy your day people :-*