Orange flavoured vodka…

The last time I was this tipsy was at my sister’s wedding… about this same time last year.

I was the chief bridesmaid and I didn’t have a major function, but I had lots of small small functions like carrying the heavy tail of the wedding gown, and fanning my sister with one of those fancy folding fans. I remember dancing into the hall with the bridal party and later crying during the couple’s first dance. Other than that, I didn’t get to actually sit and participate in much else until the wedding reception was almost over.

As the reception came to an end, the live band packed up their equipment and the DJ set up his shit. The after-wedding-party started and all the old folks gradually left, everyone except my mother. She sat there and stuck out like a sore thumb in her huge gele. It was like she wanted to milk whatever motherhood was left before her daughter had to leave with her husband.

Initially, I was very uncomfortable because I had never partied with my mother in the same room. I had two options;

1. Sit down beside my mother, sipping on orange juice and bopping my head to the music, while watching the other guests have fun.

OR

2. Kick off my heels, get wasted and turn the fuck up at my only sister’s wedding!

So that’s exactly what I did. I got wasted and I turned up. I had a red cup and one of my in-law’s called Ayo made sure there was always Remy Martin in my cup. My poor mother saw a side of me she didn’t know existed. Later,  I heard she almost had a stroke when she watched me twerk to Rihanna’s ‘Work’.

Tonight, I went to see an old friend… someone I hadn’t seen in almost 10 years. He called me up sometime last week and we decided to meet up for drinks. Before I went to meet him, I sent his picture, full name, office address and phone numbers to a friend of mine in case I got missing or had my reproductive organs sold for money rituals.

You are probably wondering; if you were so scared, why did you go? Well, you can like to blame my church and it’s funny prayer points;

STRANGE MEN IN UNUSUAL PLACES WILL REMEMBER YOU FOR GOOD IN THE NAME OF JESUS!!!   

So every time your phone rings, it might be a strange person in an unusual place who has remembered you!

Also, blame friends who keep telling me that I never go anywhere. Anyway, I’m home now. I didn’t get a chance to twerk, but I had lots of fun. I decided to quickly write a tipsy post before going to bed. I need to get enough rest because I’m on duty in church tomorrow morning.

Let he who is without sin cast the first stone…