Perceptions…

A few weeks ago, I went to the salon with a friend of mine. While we were there, a member of my church walked in to get her hair done. I’ve worked closely with her before on a church project. I was genuinely happy to see her so I said hi, gave her a big hug and introduced her to my friend. Then, she turned to my friend and asked, “So, is Ngozi always this quiet?”

My friend choked on her bottle of water. “Quiet ke?? KWAYET?? This same Ngozi that I know? We can’t get her to shut up!”

When we got back to my friend’s place and met two other friends there, she was like; 

Then she gave them an exaggerated version of what happened in the salon.

I do a lot of volunteer work in church, especially helping out during major programs. My main work though is as head of a small department. I say small because it’s not a visible role, and we’re only three members in my department; me, my assistant and one other member. So, technically, I’m a leader in church. 

In every service, there are seats behind the pastors that are reserved for leaders. However, you will never catch me dead sitting in one of those seats partly because I know that there are people in my life who, if they walked into that church hall and saw me sitting behind the pastors, they might faint from shock. Or, like my friend, they might choke on their bottle of water.

A few of the friends I get to see most often don’t even attend my church, but they are familiar with my church schedule. If they call and I don’t answer, they’ll say, “It’s the first Monday abi? She has a meeting”. Those ones, if they entered the church hall and saw me sitting behind the pastors, they would think nothing of it. My Christianity is useful to them because they can talk to me about stuff, and I’ll have a word or two for them… or just listen because I’m a good listener. 

I find it most amusing when they talk to me in ‘Christian-ese’ and they say things like;

“By God’s grace, I will have xyz.”

“I serve a living God and I have faith that xyz will come to pass in my life.”

“Ngo please pray for me, let God help me o! I want to do xyz successfully.”

I’ve come a very long way from being a judgmental prick. I used to be the friend they hid stuff from. Now, even when xyz is armed robbery or kidnapping, and it is on the tip of my tongue to say it, I don’t tell them that it is not the kind of thing one prays to God for. 

Usually, we’re ok, just barely navigating that fine balance that seems to work for us. All it takes to tip the scale is for another friend of theirs to show up and announce that she’s in a rotten mood because her boyfriend’s “mumu wife don get belle again.” Then I have to pretend like I don’t see when they exchange looks and give her the evil eye signalling for her to hush.

We don’t say things like that around this one. 

(So, maybe I am still the friend they hide stuff from).

There also those in whose best interest it is to have you on the seat behind the pastors. They need my Christianity intact in their dealings with me because it gives them license to treat me like a piece of shit. I can point it out a thousand times and say, “Hey, I REALLY do not like being treated like a piece of shit”, yet it will simply go in one ear and out the other. Then, the day I act out, they will gasp in shock. “Sister Ngo! You call yourself a Christian yet you can’t forgive me for this 101st time that I stabbed you with a broken bottle? You want to cut me off? Even if you’re bleeding, can’t the blood of Jesus replace the blood loss???”

Suddenly, I am the bad person and me and my chair are fake. They dig in and draw from a well of grossly misquoted scriptures on the concept of forgiveness;

“Didn’t the Bible say that you should turn the other butt cheek when someone spanks you?”

“Even Jesus said your brother can offend you *punches calculator* FOUR-HUNDRED AND NINETY times.”

 

On the flip side, we have those who, when it doesn’t suit them, when they need me to be bad with/for them, this same Christianity begins to irritate them. They cannot grasp that the chair is a way of life and not just a piece of furniture that one can leave behind after every service. It’s worse when they have their own reserved seats in their own churches. 

It confuses them because they can ‘play’ church just as much as I can. They are leaders too, just like me. In fact, their wives are respectable members of the Women’s Group. Na so de ting go… so why won’t I remove my pyint and show daddy what I can do???

To them, me and my self-righteous, goody-two-shoes chair can go to hell.

The moral of this post is: If you come to my church and see me sitting behind the pastors, don’t try and help me calculate my Christianity. I’m just a normal girl, trying to work out her faith in fear and trembling.

I love you guys…