Roofology BSc, MSc, PhD.

Good morning people…

Hope your weekend was better than mine… My weekend wasn’t exactly horrible, just a bit busy.

We have guests… Some guys are going to be around for the next two weeks or so to do some major work on the roof. They came and spent a few hours on the roof, taking measurements and marking some spots. Then they came down and sat outside for a while trying to decide how much it would all cost. I could hear them from my magic amebo window.

I waited till I was sure they were done and I went down to ask simply; “Oga, you’ve finished right? So what’s the plan?”

That innocent question got me a Diploma in Roofology. The guy took me round the house, using technical terms to describe EXACTLY what they’re going to be doing and showed me where they would be doing it. I just kept nodding my head and replying, “Oh, ok” and “I see”. Lord knows I didn’t get a word he said… but from the little I got, it is my understanding that they are going to level our house and the house next door and erect a hotel-slash-primary school with an indoor swimming pool. And all this will be done with zinc.

Anyway, for the next few weeks, there’s going to be a lot of banging going on in the house. Some people will also be repairing the roof ;-). On one hand, I’m glad because it means that by the time they are done, whenever it rains, I will no longer have to go outside to stay dry. On the other hand, I’m deeply upset because I honestly don’t like having people in my space 🙁

There will be a lot of ladders and people climbing up walls, looking through windows…

Gone are my days of walking around the house as if I’m in the Garden of Eden prior to the apple-incident… (tmi right?)

Gone are my days of auditioning for West Africa’s Got Talented Idols while taking a shower. Imagine not being able to sing at the top of your voice in the shower?!

Gone are the days of blocking out the world with my earphones and dancing to songs like Thong Song in the privacy of my room… 🙁

I thought of going to stay somewhere else for a while, sort of like a mini holiday, but where would I go? Besides, I have to stay back and monitor the work.

The guys seem pleasant enough I guess. The only problem is that they never ever get thirsty at the same time. So after the first day of going back and forth every 30-minutes to get drinking water, I changed my game plan. Now, when one says he’s thirsty, I get enough water for all of them and say, “Carry these ones in case your brothers need water as well.” By the time they are ready to leave, I will be in full control of their bladders! *evil laugh*

Anyway, all that running around was just because I’m a sucker for the word “Sister”. Like every other woman, I’ve been called in so many rude and disgusting ways by these men- whistling, cat calls and even that sickening half-kiss-half-air-sucking sound. So whenever a guy calls me “Sister” (pronounced ‘Sees-‘ta), it’s like my Kryptonite.

I hear the words, “Sees-ta, abeg I fit get drinking water?” and I run off to Ikogosi Warm Spring in Ekiti state to get it for you.

However, it only works for little things like water, loose change, directions, telling the time etc. “Sees-ta, abeg we fit bang?” is not going to get you far… 😐

Hope you guys have a great week… 😀