Those in favour say “Aye”… all those opposed say ‘Aye’ too. The ‘Ayes’ have it!!

Hey people…

I didn’t put anything up here yesterday but it feels like I haven’t spoken to you in ages and I actually missed you guys. I can’t explain it but that’s how I felt… 🙁

I had a very nice weekend though cos a friend of mine came over on Sunday and we had pepper soup and talked about everything under the sun, then we looked at pictures of hot, half naked girls on girls on facebook ;-)… I had a really nice time cos I wasn’t expecting him. (Thanks sweetie!!!!)

Anyway, apparently last week was all about the women… We had International Fish Brain Women’s Day during the week, then it was Mother’s Day on Sunday.

I decided I was going to shut up since I didn’t have anything good or positive to say on those days, but then I thought; since when has that ever stopped me? On a good day, half the shit that falls out of my mouth is X-rated and unproductive so why stop now?

You see, I’m one of those people (or probably the only person in this world) who thinks that women are to blame for a lot of the things that have gone wrong and are still going wrong in the world today. And I’m not even referring to the apple-eating-Garden-of-Eden incident that most men use as an example…

It’s a personal belief I’ve held for a very long time but I don’t like to share it because I sound mad whenever I try to explain it 🙁 But, today I’m going to try…

You guys remember Hitler right? He had a mistress who later became his wife… right?

There was Idi Amin who married at least five wives…

And Josef Stalin who married twice…

Abacha, before he died on top of national ho’s, had Miriam…

Osama Bin Laden also married about five times.

For a lot of us, unless your dad is gay, he left you and your mum for who? Another woman…

Do you guys see where I’m going with this? When I think of women, it’s these women who come to mind. Weak, selfish, nut-jugglers who stay silent in the face of the evil that men (their men) do because they benefit from it. You’re probably wondering why I focus on these ones instead of on the Mother Theresa’s, Michelle Obama’s and Oprah Winfrey’s of the world right? Well, it’s because I think the bad ones still far out-number the good ones… and that’s why the world is the way it is today. I therefore refuse to celebrate International Women’s Day 🙁

Last month, when I saw pictures of Henry Okah’s wife after his sentencing, I was pissed… In the scene, she was crying and how I wished then that a stray bullet would penetrate her cheap lace wig, shatter her skull and pulverize her brains!! Is that too harsh? I don’t care…

It got me thinking… maybe a new bill or law needs to be passed. It would state that; Henceforth, any man found guilty of armed robbery, fraud, terrorism, boko haramism (their own has passed terrorism), rape, kidnapping, extortion, drug trafficking etc, especially when any of these acts leads to the loss of human life, should be arrested and charged accordingly ALONG with his ‘ryde or die chick’, unless said ride or die chick can give sufficient evidence of not being ‘ride or die’ and having no knowledge of her partner’s criminal activities. All those in favour say ‘Aye‘…

To avoid persecution, the woman should be able to prove to the court beyond a reasonable doubt that in the course of their relationship, she did one or more of the following;

1. She asked her man why he only goes to work at night and returns early hours of the morning with blood stained clothes. Is he a midnight butcher?

2. She asked her man why he’s always buying chemicals, wires and detonators. And why does he always get nervous and sweaty around a ticking clock?

3. When presented with gifts such as jewelry, cars, iphones, ipads etc, she refused the gifts and asked her unemployed, 200level undergrad boyfriend how he was able to afford them. And by the way, who is Amanda Tautbottom, the white woman from Australia he’s always chatting with online?

If she can’t show that she did any of these things, she should be executed right beside him… because she is just as guilty.

I’m pissed because, even though I know it’s something both women and men do, I actually expect so much more from women. Every time there’s something in the news about some evil deed that one man committed, I always look out for the ‘ryde or die’ chick in the form of girlfriend, wife, mother or mistress. She will always be there…

So what do I suggest these women do?

Well, I really can’t say exactly, but I know that if Oscar Pistol-rius was my son, by now the police would have a handwritten confession, including cartoon diagrams of how the shooting happened. The case would be closed, an apology would be given to Reeva’s family and I would go and visit him every single week of his life-sentence.

If Jerry Sandusky was my husband, I would’ve poisoned him after he raped the first child. Then I would’ve dismembered him and fed him to wild dogs.

If Osaze Odemwigie was my husband, I would’ve hidden his car keys and deflated his tyres…

I would not be quiet in the face of evil!!! And maybe that’s why I’m still single 🙁 But if we spoke up more, if we put up a fight against evil, if we didn’t act like we don’t know that our daughter’s boyfriend is a married man, maybe the world would be a better place and we I can celebrate a guilt-free International Women’s Day.

Just sayin’ people…