To hell with 2014!!

Hello beautiful people!!…

I got home hours ago cos today was half day at work, so I’m working on my church assignment. Last week, my pastor asked us all to write our meal tickets for 2015. The meal ticket is supposed to be a list of all the things we would like God to do for us in the New Year. We’re also to include all the things that we plan to do for God.

I’ve told you guys before that I’m the kind of person who never knows what to say when someone asks me what I want. Last year, I didn’t write my list until I got to church for cross over service. I had to quickly tear out a sheet of paper from my tiny jotter and I wrote four things that I wanted God to do for me. And just to show you how unserious I was, I wrote down four very general things on my list.

Other people brought lists as long as my arm, in sheets of paper they had rolled up like ponmo. Some others wrote their meal tickets in notebooks with detailed requests like;

I want a dark-complexioned, 6ft tall man with beer beer, who works as a Safety Engineer in the HSE Dept. of Total, Lekki, Lagos.

So by the time we were blessing and anointing our lists, I was feeling very stupid holding up that tiny sheet of paper while other people were holding up A3 sheets of paper. Looking at my sheet now, I can see those transparent patches where the anointing oil touched the paper. It looks like something they sold buns or akara in. I’m thinking of just recycling this list and taking it to church tonight because I didn’t cross out a damn thing.

Does it mean that God didn’t do anything for me in 2014?? I can’t say that! Maybe it’s my fault for not being too expectant going into 2014.

I’m grateful for my siblings. I can’t say this enough. I thank God for the three of them. I’m also grateful to God for my health. I am literally the healthiest person I know… I brag about that all the time. Apart from one stomach infection last month and back pain in recent weeks, I’ve been doing great! That’s not something that a lot of people can say.

I am not going to talk about work or money. 2014 was rough career wise and money wise and I can only pray it gets better.

Romantically, 2014 was hard… I didn’t meet anyone new, but I learned a painful, but valuable lesson. It was a hard lesson but now I’m looking forward to meeting a new guy and being in a solid, meaningful relationship. I learnt that it’s ok to want something and go after what you want. Even better, it’s ok to make your demands known cos these modern day guys are smart… they know that they can get away with not being committed. So, as a girl, it’s easy to find yourself in an invisible relationship where you are doing girlfriendish things with a guy who may or may not be doing boyfriendish things with you. The arrangement is nice, but there is no commitment so that he is not tied down.

You want more, but you don’t want to scare him away with the “What are we?” question, so you stay quiet till you reach frustration point. Well, 2014 taught me that I can turn my back and walk away from that kind of messy situation. The next guy I meet, I’m gonna ask straight up, “Niggah what the fuck do you want from me?!”

If he can’t answer, I’m pointing to the door or the window… whichever he chooses to fuck out of my life from. It gets lonely sometimes, but that’s fine.

Also, I’m proud to announce that I’ve been celibate since the middle of February!!! YAAAY!!!

*waits for wild applause* *waves to crowd*

Yes, people… I’ve been a good girl since then 😀

I’ll admit that there have been periods when congy from the pit of hell gripped my soul and I started to see stars, but those times eventually passed and I got over it. Thank God for my job. Sometimes, I find it’s easier to just throw myself into my work and that helps. My poor MD will be applauding my results, talking about hard work and dedication. The poor guy doesn’t know that it’s congy power…

It’s really no big deal though. The longest I’ve done is two years and two months so you see this? Eees nuffin’!

Still on the romance page, I’ve decided that I won’t be friends with any of my exes anymore. I’m sorry, but y’all take up way too much time and energy. I get it; you wanna be able to tell people that you’re cool with all your exes, they are all your paddys, and that y’all are close, blah blah blah… good for you, but that’s not why we are here. There are no hard feelings… or maybe there are. I don’t know. But surely you understand that I don’t give a rat’s ass about your new girlfriend’s mother’s illness. Biko miss me with that BS. Besides, I’m starting to feel like my singlehood gives you some sort of pleasure. Why else do you ask for updates every damned time???

In 2014, I got closer to God *winks at God* *blows God a kiss*

I said I was gonna commit to a particular department in church and that’s exactly what I did. I started participating in church activities and I’m still getting to know people. So far, my biggest church lesson has been that God does not randomly strike people down with lightening. He’s not angry like that… if on a Sunday, you don’t have an offering, God will not strike you dead.

Oh, and you guys have noooo idea about what goes on behind the scenes… or maybe you do. After these few months I’ve spent behind the scenes, I now see every church service like a stage play/drama. You buy a ticket and go see a play… the play moves you- you laugh, you cry, you ponder over it- but you can’t imagine the amount of fighting, arguing, cursing, back-biting and near-physical blows that go into putting the show together. In the end, you have a cast (church workers) who worked hard to put the show together, but then end up hating each other’s guts.

Me, I’m trying to relish this stage I’m in where I still get along with everyone… I still love everybody and everybody loves me. I am afraid of getting to that hate stage, but my friends keep warning me that church people are humans and they are far from perfect so there’s bound to be conflict.

One of the hardest parts is un-looking when you see two people together who are famously shagging. You can’t point at them and say, “Hey! I know what you two use your anointing oil for!” because it’s not in your place to judge. Instead you act like you don’t know.

I think that’s it for me… 2014 is a year I’m desperate to get rid of. I can’t even think of a high-point, but my mind is filled with too many lows. However, I’m looking forward to 2015. I’m going to write everything I want on my meal ticket and I’ll try not to limit God with my mind. I was going to share some of my plans for 2015 with you guys, but this post is already an epistle. I hope you guys can stay awake long enough to get to the end…

Finally, I want to thank you guys for visiting regularly. I used to be so obsessed with my statistics page cos I didn’t know if people even read the shit I put out here. I had to stop obsessing over it and just write… I’ve gotten some mails and messages from readers that encouraged me. So I need to mention that I am grateful to you guys who read, even when I don’t have anything to say. Thank you!!

I have to go now. I need to work on this meal ticket… don’t forget to wish HRC a happy blog birthday.

Happy New Year guys!! To hell with 2014.