What would your village chief say?

Hey people…

I’M BACK!!!

I’ve got a few people who are upset with me for all sorts of reasons. I’ll be honest; there are some that I couldn’t care less about and some that although I hope they will eventually get over it, life will go on if they don’t.

I’m saying this because I used to be very petty… to tell you the truth, I still have the tendency to be. It’s not something to be proud of, but I can hold a grudge over the tiniest thing for years and years. It’s so bad, that I still haven’t forgiven the boy who made fun of me in front of the whole class the day I wet myself… in daycare… 30 YEARS AGO!!! I know his name and I know where his mother lives. One of these years days, I know I will get my revenge.

Anyway, like I said, I’m not very proud of it 🙁 However, I learnt a trick that has helped me deal with my pettiness. I decided to share it because I’ve discovered that many people, especially women, also need healing from this disease (called pettiness).

So let’s say someone offends you. You’re pissed and deep down you are convinced you have every right to be pissed. You’re sure that if you speak with Oprah, she will understand exactly where you’re coming from and she might even justify your annoyance.

But the truth is, you don’t know Oprah… so then imagine that you are taken to your village and you are asked to stand in the village square. You are to face your village chief, your village elders, your parents and their peers, your mates, your mates’ children and even some people from the neighbouring villages…

You’re standing alone in the middle of this large village square. For added dramatic affect, let’s imagine this is at night. There are flood lights lighting up the square, a podium and a microphone stand. The crowd is silent, the lights are on you. Then the village chief asks you to state clearly, in front of EVERYBODY, why you are pissed with so and so.

This is how you measure your pettinessity; Can you boldly and shamelessly say what it is that you are truly upset about?

Can you say, “I saw him/her last week and I waved but she didn’t wave back so I’m never speaking to him/her again”?

Or, “He/she didn’t wish me a happy birthday on my Facebook page two years ago so I will never like another one of his/her status updates ever again.”

“I’ve been trying to bang her but she won’t let me and I’m tired of playing the nice guy. Doesn’t she know I have other P’s to set?”

You see how silly those reasons sound? If you’re not speaking to someone, or if you’ve made someone your sworn enemy, the villagers would expect to hear scandalous reasons like;

“I caught her in bed with my husband… AND HIS BROTHER!!! So I un-followed her on Twitter.”

Or, “She was angry with me and she broke my PS3 so I’m serving her divorce papers.”

If you’re upset with me or with someone else, then I guess today’s post is dedicated to you. If I didn’t touch your husband, and if your PS3 is intact, ask yourself, is it really worth it?

As for me, I’ll admit that the post applies to me too… cos I’ve got issues I need to settle with a few people. But the good thing is that I’m not married and I don’t own a PS3 so I’m free to put the finishing touches on my plans for vengeance… *evil grin*