Why disciplinary action should not be taken against me…

Good morning people!

It’s 2:00am Friday morning and I’m eating semo and afang (let he who is without sin cast the first stone). My thoughts are all over the place but I know I wanna talk, so let’s talk…

A lot has happened since our last meeting. First of all, my blog was a year old January 1^st 😀 I got a mail from some blog stats thing where they showed me my site stats; it had my most visited/popular blog posts, my top commenters, the locations of my readers, how many of you send nudes to each other and it shows the people who laugh at my jokes etc For a new site, my blog did pretty well last year.

So it’s a happy belated birthday to HRC!!! Thank you guys for visiting my site and staying faithful even when I didn’t…

I hope your year started out much better than mine did. January came and went and unsurprisingly, my life still sucks… all the things my pastor promised me will happen “in dis month of Geh-new-aari” haven’t happened yet. I’m still broke, single and my enemies who were supposed to die by fire are still alive, walking around un-burnt.

Work has been terrible… I had my performance appraisal last month and I’m still recovering from that. The only person who scored lower than me in my department was our departmental mascot… and we don’t even have a departmental mascot. That’s how bad it was.

The first level appraisal was with my supervisor. My brother who has like a million years work experience told me to be prepared for it. He said I was going to have to defend myself and show evidence of any achievements or claims. I was pretty confident that my work would speak for itself so I walked into that office like a boss…

Needless to say, it didn’t go as planned. It was a train wreck from the minute I stepped through the door…

Imagine if your parents promised to get you a car when you turn 21. Then, a few weeks to your birthday, they call you into their room for a chat. They want you to convince them to buy the car they promised you…

You’re excited because you can think of at least 3.2 million reasons why you should get that car. I mean, you’re not pregnant for a married man, you don’t do drugs (in front of them), you don’t drink (in front of them), there’s no sex tape of you on the internet (because it hasn’t leaked yet), you do your chores, you do well in school…

You’re so confident you can literally feel the car keys in your hands already.

But, to your surprise, your parents are not impressed. They are not impressed because all those things you listed, are things they already expected of you. Then they pick one, just one mistake you made when you were in Primary 5 and keep using it against you…

Your folks are like;

“Ok Ngor… I understand why you would think you deserve the car. However, we don’t think you showed maturity or responsibility when, in primary 5, you told your classmates that the principal’s initials (V.P.L) stood for Visible Panty Line… Or how about the time you went to visit your uncle Robert and came back smelling of pee?”

You try to argue with them a little but there’s no point because their minds are already made up… `you’re not getting that car. And that’s how I didn’t get confirmed. I’m still on the same level… still on the same disgusting salary scale. I can’t even afford a decent cocaine addiction  :'(

Now, I’m at a point where I’m not so sure that I give the adequate number of fucks anymore. After the appraisal, I kinda slacked off a bit and within a space of three weeks, I was given three query’s  (._.)

Now, I would never lie to you guys… I might omit certain facts and exaggerate sometimes, but I wouldn’t lie to you so I take full responsibility for the first query. A wise crack got me in trouble and I got hell for it.

The second one was not as serious as the first. My response to that one was so looooong… the idea was that my boss, while reading it, would fall asleep by the third paragraph. I wrote it like a descriptive essay and used really big words that I wasn’t one hundred percent sure I knew their meanings. If my plan worked, he should still be on page 3 of my response.

The third query, didn’t make sense… I haven’t even responded to it yet. I might not respond to it at all cos it was one of those scenarios where you’re told “Ngozi, I need the frozen blood of a saber tooth tiger preferably from the Flintstone era. I need it by 2:00pm at the latest. You can liaise with Barney Rubble for any information you need.”

I didn’t get the blood. I didn’t even try and that’s what got me the third query. And that’s the way my life has been. I have to start getting ready for work now… I’ll see you guys later.

Happy New Year people…